Change

Change is the only constant, it's been said. I haven't been regularly posting for quite a long time now. Life has changed. The bloggers whom I used to read have changed or gone away. HNT no longer exists as it used to (although there's a new experiment). It seems to me that the past year has been a year of change. From my perspective at least, life is not as simple as it was just a couple of years ago. Perhaps that is just my life.

What hasn't changed is my devotion for Master. Or perhaps it has. It has grown deeper. Our relationship has survived a tough year. We don't have the "alone time" we used to take for granted. How I wish I could return to the stay-at-home slave days! Perhaps life will change so that I can once again devote myself 100 percent, truly 24/7 to Master.

Until then, I await His return. If I have been a good enough girl (and if He's not too tired), I may get a bit of flogging. It's been far, far too long.

This change would be welcome!

HNT -- Brrr

It's cold outside.  I'm glad Master is here to warm me up.  The new paddle i got for Christmas has been keeping my backside nice and warm, too.

Visit Osbasso

Sex

I haven't posted since the New Year's because we have been busy playing with a new toy or two.

HNT - Favorite

This is a favorite because i love the pattern left from the rope that carefully, lovingly and tightly bound me for a short time.  Every time i look at this picture, i am reminded of the feeling (both physical and emotional).

See favorite pictures at Osbasso's HNT

Last Hurrah

This girl has not been blogging -- or even keeping up with blogs she's enjoyed -- for far too long.

But that's how life is, isn't it? Bogged down in the day-to day.

As 2010 weaves its way into 2011, like so many others, i am in a reflective mood. Many things have happened this year. I began my "dream job" and all of its challenges, am working on a graduate degree, and in many ways this has been the best year i've had in a decade. This girl, however, is never satisfied.

As i type this entry, snuggled into our bed and naked as usual, i am warm from the blankets and comforter and not Master. I can feel the tingle of the dilator not His touch.

What do i hope the new year brings? Challenges most certainly lie ahead. How to balance work, coursework, and slave-hood. Can that be balanced?

I hope the new year brings more opportunities to grow and explore.

Not one for the new year's resolution deal, i am going to make a committed effort to keeping up with this blog, wearing the dilator, and taking care of myself. These are tasks Master has given me.  Tasks His girl has been less than consistent with and wishes to improve in the coming months.

Of course, i hope the new year brings lots and lots of sex.  We have some new toys to play with, and i can't hardly wait.  I am missing the good old four-times-a day encounters (that's over 1,000 times a year!) and lengthy scenes.  Somehow we need to find time for this--it is too important to let go.

Ho Ho Ho

This picture is reminiscent of a favorite movie -- "It's a major award!"

Well, perhaps not but it's a leg Master loves (and if you look carefully, you'll see His girl getting ready for the new year).

SAHS

This slave has discovered she would be perfectly happy, perfectly content, perfectly satisfied to be a full-time stay-at home slave. She enjoys getting out and the challenge of her work, but in her heart, she would like nothing better than to be 100 percent, 365/24/7 devoted and serving only her Master. For despite enjoying her job, serving Master is what she likes best.

In Celebration of the 5th Anniversary of HNT

It was easy for me to find my first HNT picture, since i'm pretty new at this. It's personally one of my favorites with fond memories of waiting for Master to come home and  have His way with His little slave girl.

I'm looking forward to strolling down other HNTers memory lanes.  Obasso's Memory Lane

Tired HNT

 It's been a long week, and i'm tired.  Seasonal allergies, lack of sleep, too many orgasms, or maybe a combination of all of these. All i want to do is stretch out and sleep.

Happy HNT!

Tied Up -- Happy HNT

There's something comforting for me about being bound by Master.  When He winds the rope around me, i feel quiet.  Thoughts slip away, the busy self-chatter silences, and i just am.  Master tried something different today; He bound me before we went to sleep.  As i lay next to Him, under His arm or leg at times, rolling over feeling the rope gently press into my flesh, feeling His weight against me, i felt secure.  Cocoon-like. Wrapped in His love and care.  After He unbound me, the lovely impressions were left upon my skin.  Reminders of His ownership and of His love.  I have been floating in a lovely space all day.  The marks are gone, but the feeling remains.  I am bound to Him with rope and love.  (**PS, to see what transpired after the rope came off, take a peak at Master's HNT page. Look closely for some faint rope lines.)

*click*

Visit Osbasso

Happy Earth Day HNT

In honor of Earth Day, a little something green.

Stop by to say hi to Os

It's Gettin' Hot Out Here -- Happy HNT!

Spring is definitely here, and i got a bit warm working out in the garden. Thought i'd show off one of my "lingerie" favorites -- it lifts and separates and is custom made.

*Click*

Impact

Master discovered today that i am one of those who can achieve orgasm through "impact play."  I never would have thought this would be so.  I have watched another couple who were playing before and found it scary and disconcerting.  Funny thing is that i have cum numerous times from this sort of action -- even when there was not "clitoral stimulation," but the connection was just made today.  Maybe it's one reason i love the thump of the flogger or the stroke of the cane.

Who would have thought it!  I certainly wouldn't have. I am still processing the "whys" and that it's okay. But i am glad to be open-minded and to be owned by such an amazing Man.

Quotes

I've been thinking about love and its many expressions.

"And... it's a great thing to get what you want. It's a really good thing unless what you thought you wanted wasn't really what you wanted... because what you really wanted you couldn't imagine or you didn't think it was possible but what if someone came along who knew exactly what you wanted without asking they just knew... like they could hear your heart beating or listen to your thoughts and what if they were sure of themselves and they didn't have to take a poll and they loved you... but you hesitated and I... uh... I have to go... I'm sorry but... I have to go!" ~ Kate in "Leopold & Kate"

~CLICK~ Knowing 

"Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe...they're so perky, I love that." ~Miracle Max in "The Princess Bride"

~CLICK~ Mmm...so perky!

"Beatrice: You have stayed me in a happy hour, I was about to protest I loved you.
Benedick: And do it, with all thy heart.
Beatrice: I love you with so much of my heart, that none is left to protest." ~ from "Much Ado About Nothing"

~CLICK~ There is none left to protest 

Discord

Today started off all right.  Master and i had about 45 minutes of "alone time" before He had to leave for work. The first half of that was great.  A lovely morning "quickie." And then, in my view, it went downhill.

It could have gotten ugly.  With anyone else, it would have turned into one heck of an argument.  Like most disruptions in the daily life of a couple, there wasn't anything huge.  One comment upon leaving the bedroom and a comparison to something the "ex" used to do would have had me slinging back a comparable comment with anyone else.  Then another complaint and another.  True, i had completely forgotten to finish up laundry last night; i told Him to give me His jacket to have ready for today, and i forgot so it wasn't ready.  But in my mind, i was thinking, "How often does this happen?  Never!"  Internally, i was having the conversation about how He hasn't been noticing any of the good things i've been doing, only complaining, mentally comparing some of His actions with "the ex," and complaining myself.  Simultaneously,  i knew that He was grumpy, that He has a lot on His mind and didn't want to come downstairs to no jacket (well, no dry jacket), morning kid damage, and all the work stuff that's been bugging Him.  I know that when i am frustrated by outside things or am tired, every little thing becomes a huge annoyance.  So, being the dutiful slave, and the woman who has learned from experience, i kept my mouth shut.

We had a subdued "goodbye."  It's sad to say, but i was looking forward to His leaving for work.  I honestly don't know if He realizes how grumpy He sounded and that the negatives have outweighed the positive comments lately.  It's about a 10:1 ratio, if i remember correctly -- it takes 10 positives to overcome one negative.

However, my arguing back, trying to point out where i was right or how He misinterpreted things or defending what happened would have done neither of us any good. It's not about being right or wrong. Just because He is my Owner doesn't make Him automatically right.  Just because i am His property doesn't make me incompetent or automatically wrong.  Yes, He was grumpy.  In 3 out of 5 things He has a legitimate right to be upset.  Yes, my feelings got hurt.  In 2 out of 5 things He did not have a legitimate complaint.  But grumpiness and thin skin can make for a volatile situation.

*click* Pink-Cheeked Girl

I am not His doormat. He may not have known how upset and hurt i felt, but He did have an idea. I know that we will talk about it later.  Once emotions have settled if there is a need to discuss, we will.  One aspect of a D/s relationship that i appreciate is "discipline."  When i make a mistake, i get disciplined.  "Discipline" doesn't necessarily mean a spanking; although it's far different to receive a spanking as discipline than in play.  It hurts far more than in play, but there is something about being swatted and then able to move on and not hang on to a wrongdoing.  Discipline works for us. Whether or not i am disciplined for not following through on a promise i made (the jacket) is up to Him. Another aspect is honesty.  I will have the opportunity to honestly tell Him how i was feeling and how i perceived His behavior.  I have been processing how and why i felt the way i did this morning.  I have to be honest with myself before i can be honest with Master.  It can take me a long time to process, and He has learned to be patient.

We are not an island.  For good or ill, our relationship is comprised of our experiences with others ("the exes," family, etc.).  Our perceptions are colored by past experiences.  Perhaps He really wasn't chiding me as much as i was feeling.  However, having spent far too long in an emotionally abusive relationship, i am extremely sensitive to criticism.  He knows this.  Having spent time in a relationship with a "it doesn't matter/he'll buy another one" attitude  has created His heightened alertness to disrespect.  I know this.

Shortly after arriving at work, Master sent me a text reminding me that He loves me and cares about me.  A molehill that could have become Everest remained a molehill.  What is important is our relationship amidst life.  "Happily ever after" takes one helluva lotta work.  But it's worth it.

Rainy Day HNT

April Showers.  Just another Northwest spring day with lots of liquid sunshine.

Good thing i have my umbrella and rain boots!

~CLICK FOR ANOTHER VIEW~

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Happy Birthday, Master!

Master's birthday was last month, and i wasn't sure what to give Him.  He pretty much has everything He needs and He isn't a "I want that" kind of man. There are several toys, though, that i know He'd like to add to our adult toy box.  Being a thrifty slave, i didn't want to pay the exorbitant prices in specialty shops or online.  We have many toys, i have a fair amount of lingerie, but there are some missing items.  We have also talked about some role playing scenes.  In the past, we have had great fun with the classic "intruder," "school girl," etc., role plays.  After research and much thought, i came up with "Fantasy Island." Six role play themes packaged separately.  After checking the toy box and my lingerie drawers, i wrote down the needed items, looked online for who had the best prices/coupons, and then made my shopping list: fabric/craft store, two mall stores (the "novelty," "goth," etc. stores),  two adult stores (20% off coupon!), and the dollar store.

I stuck to my list and refrained from getting a few items i would really, really liked to have had (like an incredibly gorgeous corset, on sale, too!).

Once home with supplies and armed with hot glue gun, tape measure and scissors, i went to work.  Probably the best part was my sorting through the toy box while Master was reading in bed.  He was completely oblivious to my actions.  Yes, the toy box was messy, and He knew i was going to straighten it out, and i did -- but as i was pulling out items (the chain leash, rope, etc.) to be included in the fantasy box.  He even looked over at me and talked to me without noticing.

Master enjoyed opening His gift -- a huge box with smaller boxes and gift bags inside.  He enjoyed the bunny outfit and the captive woman in the closet.  We have other adventures to look forward to throughout the coming months.

Bunny Costume: bunny ears;  marabou boa; bunny cottontail made from white faux fur with marabou hot glued on to make it fuzzy and self-adhesive looped side velcro adhered to the back and able to attach to a butt plug with the fuzzy part of the velcro adhered to the end (supplies from fabric/craft store, not shown -- white lace choker); white knee-high tights and white lace fingerless gloves (from Hot Topic).

Happy HNT from a Happy Bunny

It's spring break here, and i thought it would be fun to give Master a little surprise.  Here's me in my bunny costume -- well, most of it.

Happy HNT! Don't forget to visit Half-Nekkid Thursday.

Words

Words.  Powerful.  Permanent.  Once spoken, they linger. Once written, they survive past our lifetime.  The words used between two lovers, between partners, between superior/subservient, can bring joy or leave marks deeper than any physical gash.

One of the differences being in a Dominant/submissive (Master/slave) relationship rather than another type of couples relationship is how i use my words.

The word "no" or any of its cousins does not exist in my vocabulary with Master.  They were eliminated the day He put the collar around my neck, the day He claimed me as His property.  In reality, there is no need for me to use the word "no."  Sometimes, i may want to linger instead of getting up to perform a task or chore, and sometimes, according to Master, i get the look of "Do i really have to do this?"  I don't even consider needing this word; He will never have me do anything that would cause me to truly say, "No."  If we are in a scene and i am physically or emotionally beyond my limit, i have a "safe word" to use.  However, like many of the slaves/subs with whom i am familiar, this word has been used only on the rarest occasion.  Prior to Master, i would say, "no" just because i didn't want do to something or was in a contrary mood.  I did not always strive to speak respectfully, and i put myself first selfishly.  (Sometimes, it is important for me to put myself first to take care of myself because i'm caring for Master's property.)

With Master, the phrases and sentences i use in daily life are peppered with "please" and "thank you" and "may i."  I have caught myself rephrasing a text i am sending to Master -- instead of "Will You..." i have changed it to "It would please Your slave..."  Instead of telling Him what i want, i might say, "Would it please You if Your slave ...?"  By using these words, i have found myself changing the way that i think.  Placing Master as the Subject in a sentence and referring to myself in a passive voice, emphasizes our D/s relationship.  Even without my collar, without the flogger, the rope, the whip or nipple clamps, He is the Dominant and i am His submissive.

In turn, Master is careful with the words He chooses.  Being my Owner and being a Dominant does not preclude Him from polite speech.  Not everything is a direct command; He, too, uses "thank you" and "would you" with me.  By addressing me with the respect due to His property, He fosters a desire for me to do better.  By a gentle reprimand in a quiet voice, i strive to remember and correct myself.

I have enough life experiences to understand the effect words can have on a relationship.  Continually using words of respect and gratitude cultivates a mind and heart that respects and is grateful for a strong, loving and kind Master.  It becomes a beautiful cycle that increases my love and deepens my submission.

Another Use -- Happy HNT!

Yesterday while working from home, Master discovered yet another use for His slave's boobs.  The only disadvantage was that the left one kept pressing the "delete" key.


Check out today's Half-Nekkid Thursday !